Men hate Valentine’s Day. It’s true. In my profession, I spend most holidays in restaurant kitchens, Valentine’s included, so the occasion has never really been a big deal for me. I had no idea that men hated this day in particular, until last year.
I was thoroughly educated by my fellow chefs (4 men, various ages & situations) of the intense pressure this day brings to every man they know, themselves included. Apparently, the expectation to somehow create, in setting and substance, a perfect, romantic gesture for the likely-to-be-disappointed woman in their life, drives men crazy. For some, to the point of physical illness every February 14th. Huh.
The answer? That’s even more impossible to decode than resolving the issue that “life is short.” However, by using the far-stretched notion that “life is short, melt some cheese” (aka, food fixes all things), it might be interesting to look at it a different way. To decipher what women want, let’s first nix what they don’t want.
Certain Girls/Certain Disappointment
What I learned from my male colleagues that weekend, in what kinda resembled a masculine version of “The View,” was this: no matter how well they knew their Valentine, it seemed impossible to please her. Chocolates, a classic, fail for many guys due to her genetically hardwired, self-imposed opinion of her thighs. (You do know the answer to the question, “do I look fat in these pants?” Right?) Jewelry is another seemingly simple classic, until the questions begin and the doubt sets in -- is this one too serious; does my mother have one of these; could she think this one makes her thighs look chunky? Cash - too impersonal. A card with just a signature - a lack of forethought. And the same gift every year - boredom.
The Leopold Solution
Due to an inability to watch chick-flicks, I’ve probably missed many romantic deeds that women would swoon over. However, I recently caught Kate & Leopold, and saw a sweet gesture that every woman would simply adore (unless she’s lactose intolerant). It’s simple, thoughtful, creative, and deliciously low-fat.
Since Valentine’s Day is on a Sunday this year, bring her a pink, girly breakfast of 9-grain toast smothered with creamy mascarpone cheese and sliced strawberries. Adding her favorite coffee and a single flower will complete the scene. But, for the full interpretation, speak with an English accent while wearing tight, white riding pants -- that’ll put you on top -- and isn’t that right where you want to be?
Leopold Toast
Lovingly serves 2
1-2 tsp. honey, or more to taste
4 oz. mascarpone cheese, room temperature
8-10 medium strawberries
4 slices 9-grain bread
Stir honey into softened mascarpone, beginning with 1 teaspoon, gradually stirring in more, if desired.
Rinse & core strawberries. Cut into lengthwise slices (lengthwise looks prettier); set aside.
Toast bread (pushing the toaster down 1-1/2 times, in the true fashion of Leopold). Generously smear the honeyed mascarpone on each piece of toast and garnish with strawberries. Cut each piece of toast on the diagonal (again, pretty -- just like her) and serve.
